A NEGATIVE past doesn't DEFINE your FUTURE!

So you know those movies that you watch and the person is seeing things as if they are in an alternate universe? Almost like that new movie Get Out (which by the way is cray cray); there is a scene in which he is in this trance like state and he still hears who is talking to him but he can't move and feels like he is slipping into a dark abyss. Well that is how in recent years my life has been....raise your hand if that is how you feel or have felt too (come on now I can't be the only one). My life over the last almost 36 years (damn when did life start moving so fast); has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. I would like to think I have been blessed with more happiness then sadness but lets be honest it always seems like the sad times or hard times are the ones that stick out the most. I find that completely unfortunate and have decided to take upon myself to bring some happiness to everyone around me and to teach everyone how to focus on the good times because positivity goes a lot further in life than negativity. 

Don't believe me? Trust me it does and I will tell you why. I grew up for the earlier years of my life to a mother who has some addiction issues and still does to this day (she's not gonna like that I said that but hey it is what it is and I don't hold back), it was during these years I was molested by not just one man but two different men. My dad had gone to make a better life for us in California at the time and was giving my mom a chance to take care of me. Anyhow, that was in 3rd grade here in good ol' Kentucky. Fast forward to moving back with my pops and step mom and him joining the military...I was officially a military brat and happy to be one as well as the ultimate Daddy's girl. To say I struggled through out my adolescence would be an understatement because I didn't just struggle I started cutting my Sophomore year (we were stationed in Germany at the time) and suicide was at the forefront of my mind almost on the daily. While I had an amazing group of friends the pain of my childhood was too much, my self esteem took a major hit, I was ashamed of what had happened to me and only told one person about it; she was the mom of my guy bestie at the time and was the first person I had ever spoken to it about and I truly believe at that time she saved my life; her and his father. That coupled with the look on my guy besties face when he found out I had been cutting was eye opening. I didn't want to hurt the people that I felt at the time were the only ones who cared so I stopped cutting...for the time being. 

Fast forward to my early 20's...freedom to do what I wanted with little self esteem took me down a dark path of drugs...cocaine and drinking was pretty much the daily routine for quite a few months and being involved with men who didn't give two craps about me...the ultimate low was when I got my DUI just before moving to Texas to get my life together. I made the decision right then and there to never drink and drive again (and I haven't) and to get my crap together. Fast forward many years later again and guess what...while I still struggle with anxiety and depression from my childhood I have now been with my hubby 15 years, I have a Masters in Forensic Psychology, I am the mother to an amazing 12 year old son, guardian to a beautiful 13 year old niece, and working a business I absolutely love and living a life of positivity and surrounded by amazing people. 

So why tell all of you millions of strangers my story? I tell it because if it can help one person heal then it has been worth it, if it can help deter someone from cutting, suicide, and build them up it is worth it! This is just the start of this blog...I will be using to empower you all, to lift you up, to show you that YOU my friend are worth living this beautiful life! Stick around friends....it is gonna be a hell of a ride for you as well...hopefully a good one full of positivity :) www.facebook.com/bossladywines